“I’m not such a good reader myself, you know. We’ll have to help each other out.”

Friends:

You all know how much I love to read.  If I could spend morning, noon and night reading, I would be in heaven.  And now that the Dodgers aren’t on my television anymore, I have even more time to read.  Yet this weekend at the LA Times Festival of Books I was faced with the ultimate moral dilemma.

I think that it is safe to say that my daughters are very well taken care of.  Perhaps that is just my politically correct way of saying that they are spoiled but I just can’t bring myself to actually say that about them.  However, they certainly do not want for anything.  Toys, dolls, clothes, food, activities, Disneyland, you name it, they get it all.  Most of the time they utter some words of thanks, but most of the time they somehow forget to do so and it really ticks off their mother and I.

To make matters worse, with the attention span of a hummingbird, they are through with the new item and on to something else.

As you can no doubt expect, being such avid readers as their mother and I are, we spend a lot of time at the bookstore (while they are still around, that is).  And of course, when we are there, the chorus of “I want that!” and “How about this one?” resonates throughout the store.  This was equally true around the USC campus on Saturday as we attended the LA Times Festival of Books.

What is a parent to do when faced with this moral dilemma?  Their mother and I have tried to raise appreciative and respectful children and there definitely is still work to be done.  Sure, we know they want the Hello Kitty this or that and that they would love to go to Disneyland yet again, but it is easy for us to say no to those things.

But books.  Ahh books.  I found a statistic online that 44% of 4^th graders cannot read fluently.  I have a 3^rd grader who is reading at a 7^th grade level.  Am I supposed to say no to her when she says she wants more books?

When I was a kid, my parents made me a promise: as long as I continued to read books, they would buy them for me.  They were so supportive of my appetite for books that they actually bankrolled my addiction!  And when Amy and I would argue about going to the bookstore and buying more books for the girls, I would remind her of the promise my parents made to me.

Ugh, but the struggle persists.  As we walked around the USC campus, the whines and complaints were endless.  I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I’m tired, I’m bored.  And when their mother or I wanted to stop at a particular booth or speak with an author we liked, they never failed to remind us that they were there and that they didn’t want to be.

Yet when we ventured to the kids’ book section, you can imagine how the tune changed.  No longer were they bored or thirsty or hungry.  Instead, they were wanting this, that and everything else.  And we struggled to say no.  We struggled.  We didn’t want to be the pushovers we knew we were.  We didn’t want to be the enablers who reinforced the poor behavior with rewards and gifts.

But books.  Ahh books.  We just couldn’t say no to books.  For all of their antics and exploits, for all of the constant affirmations that we wouldn’t do it again, we wouldn’t reward poor behavior… well, we caved.  To have children who have developed a love of books like their parents is such a reward that we didn’t want to discourage it.  The other day, Brooklyn told me that the perfect life would be sitting in her room and reading all day.  It just about brought a tear to my eye.

We continue to struggle and work hard at making our girls respectful and appreciative individuals.  We try to avoid spoiling them and rewarding poor behavior.  But when it comes to books, I think their mother and I are ok caving just a little.  I see so much imagination and creativity in Brooklyn and I attribute it all to her love of books.

And since we can’t watch the Dodgers on our television anymore, well, at least we still have our books.

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“Both kids are good to mom — Blood’s thicker than mud — It’s a family affair…”

Friends:

I never thought I’d say it, but I think I have actually heard it all.  I wish I could say that I am surprised by people and how they act and react, but frankly, it isn’t true.  And each time I hear a story about the brother who did this or the aunt who did that, I resist the urge to do one thing.

I resist the urge to feign surprise.  When a prospective client tells me their story, they portray it as if it’s the most exceptional story ever, as if it must be equally as surprising to me as it is to them.  But with what I do, nothing surprises me anymore.  The brother who demanded a copy of the Trust at the funeral because he wanted to know how much he was going to get now that mom was dead.  The sister who didn’t call the coroner when she found her father dead on the floor of his house, but instead searched through the house for the family heirlooms so that she could have them before her siblings found out.  The brother who buried his mother without notifying his other siblings as to the location or date of the funeral.

Honestly, it seems as if I have heard every story out there.  I would like to think that when I tell a prospective client that it doesn’t surprise me that it engenders confidence in me.  If I am not surprised by the story then I must know how to address the issues, right?  Wouldn’t you prefer to have an attorney who has seen it all and done it all then the attorney who is equally as flabbergasted as the client?  It’s funny- when you are a young attorney the only thing you can’t be taught and won’t come fast enough is experience.

I hate to say it but people can be so mean to each other.  I hate to say it because I am a firm believer in the tenet that people are good.  That people are decent.  That people, if given the opportunity, will do the right thing the majority of the time.  But the stories I hear certainly make me have second thoughts about all of that.  What does actually surprise me is that people are sometimes more willing to act despicable towards a family member then they would towards a complete stranger.  They say that blood is thicker than water, but money and control are sometimes even stronger.

I am often astounded by the attorneys who practice in the area of divorce law and wonder how they go home at the end of the day and keep a strong marriage.  Yet it is so very clear to me how they do it.  They take all of the negativity that they see every day and they turn it into positives by focusing their energies towards avoiding the horror they see others go through.

I have taken that to heart and try to keep it in mind with my own family.  It just simply makes sense to me.  When all is said and done, don’t we all want someone we can go to, to share happy occasions with, commiserate with, cry on the shoulder of and celebrate with?  I get the concept that money and power corrupt, and for some people they have been waiting years, even decades, to finally have that upper-hand, to rectify the wrong that was committed on them so many years ago.  But seriously, aren’t there more important things that that?

I have heard it all.  Conceptually I understand that you cannot choose your family but you can choose your friends.  But it doesn’t mean I have to like it… or accept it.

But having heard it all, I think it makes me better at what I do, that’s for sure.