A Story for Passover

By the time you read this, I will be facing the prospect of not eating bread for a whole week. Can you imagine, a bacon cheeseburger on matzah??It being Passover, though,bread is a no-no, so matzah it is.

Because it is Passover, my daughter is learning all about the holiday in her pre-school and we are reading the books at bedtime. She loves the stories of Moses demanding that Pharaoh let our people go and his refusal to allow it. But as I read the stories, no matter how much the story is refined to make it more kid-friendly, there is just no getting away from the brutality of it. You cannot tell the Passover story without using the words “death” and “blood” and it is especially difficult when you have a4-year old who constantly asks questions and (for no real reason) lately seems to be infatuated with death. I mean, it is kind of cute when she says that she is sad that mommy’s grandmother is dead, but it really doesn’t need to be a topic of discussion for a 4-year old.

I remember the nightmares myself, wishing that I was my brother, hoping that the angel of death “passed over” our house, for fear that I, as the first-born son, would be smoted. (An unreasonable fear because the angel of death passed-over the Jewish homes…) But still, these were some big words and some powerful fears for a little kid who couldn’t separate fact from fiction and present-day from days of yore. (For those of you who don’t know, the days of yore were typically Wednesdays. Just a little bit of trivia for you.)

So as we sing-song the rhymes and laugh about the dead cows and frogs jumping everywhere, the viciousness of the ten plagues is unavoidable. The effort is made to downplay the seriousness of the story; the books use bright colors and comedic characterizations to emphasize the cartoonish-ness of the characters, all with the intention that the major concepts are grasped, not the minute details. If you think about them as 10 plagues and not as 10 individual scourges visited on the Egyptians, each of which wreaked havoc and caused terror then it is easier to comprehend.

And I sometimes feel that way with my clients, especially in the litigation context, where we use big, scary words like discovery, deposition, and trial; throwing the words around with familiarity in effort to diminish the ferociousness of the process. But that sometimes sets a bad precedent. I am not saying that I talk to my clients as if they were 4-year olds. But I think everyone tries to find their own way to deliver bad news or describe a difficult process so that they do not appear fearful or doubtful as to the likelihood of success. In being candid, I have attempted on occasion to be brutally honest with a client as to the ferocity of the litigation process and in some instances it is viewed as a demonstration of my own fear for our chances. That is nowhere near the truth.

So we walk a fine line. We try to give as much information as possible to let the client know how aggressive and fierce the litigation process can be while promoting the perception that none of this is atypical of the process or a characterization of the client’s chances of prevailing. Sounds kind of like walking on a tight-rope, don’t you think? Not an easy process and one which I am sure many of you have faced.

Is there an answer? In all fairness, I aim for honesty and clarity. I would rather be brutally honest and descriptive in my explanations than have a client accuse me later of not having prepared him or her for what was to come. Similarly, I don’t think that my daughter is too young to know the back-story of the Passover holiday. All of the stories seem to begin with the explanation that the Jews were slaves in Egypt. But do we ever discuss what that meant to be slaves? It wasn’t a day at the beach and with that in mind, not to use the euphemism that the punishment fit the crime, it certainly would provide some context that the plagues were fierce because nobody should be in servitude to another and Pharaoh, ignoring the rights of man, refused to let the Jews be free.

Ok, so I am sure some of you who have been reading my emails are wondering how long I have been in therapy and when will it finally show some progress. You have to be curious as to what goes on in my mind if I can equate teaching my daughter about Passover with the litigation process. Well, the mind (and mine especially) works in mysterious ways…

Next week— “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” BASEBALL SEASON IS FINALLY HERE!!!

Have a bread-free week if you can stand it… and Happy Passover and Happy Easter.

“I Will Follow Him…”

This past week I had a chance to lead a meeting of the networking group with which I am in involved. I had a great time doing it, but it was also a challenge, mostly because of the balance that was needed between controlling the meeting and allowing free discussion amongst the members. And that experience got me to thinking about good leadership skills.

I grew up thinking that I knew how to lead. In 7th grade I was elected to the student council and was re-elected in the 8th grade (I got kicked out of student government in the 8th grade because I couldn’t color inside of the lines, but that is a different story). I was involved again in student government in college. But that wasn’t leadership, that was doing something that administrators said was important but that other people simply didn’t want to do. On top of that, I thought that my experiences on the baseball field had given me leadership experience. It is one thing to be a leader on the field because you always play hard, take practice seriously, and leave it all out on the field. But to be a true leader, to get people to buy into your plans, to follow you willingly, confident that you have it all under control, that is something totally different.

So what are the skills that make a good leader? There have been volumes written on leadership skills, on how to be a good leader and how to develop the right skills. And I don’t have the answers. But what I can tell you is this. The people who I look at as good leaders are those who always seem confident yet easy-going. An intricate balance I would think. Too much confidence and you run the risk of appearing cocky; if you are too laid-back you run the risk of looking like a slacker.

And I believe that the same applies in business. Clients want leaders; they want the people who are confident and calm and cool under pressure. People who don’t get frazzled, who always have things under control and who always act as if they know exactly what is going to happen next. Sounds like a tall order.

So until I master all of those, I am going to stick with the one thing that so far has been my strongest characteristic: likeability. I just think that people will do business and will want to do business with people that they like. We want to follow people we like. We want to be with people we like. We want to do business with people we like. Why? First, it is just more enjoyable. And B, when there is bad news, isn’t it easier to hear it from someone you like?

Or is it that people want to do be around the beautiful people. Uh oh… what about the so-so’s?

Thanks again for reading… “Likeable”(?) Rob

“Put Me In Coach, I’m Ready To Play…”

 

It has been a while, but yesterday I actually had a feeling where I was about to panic.  It doesn’t happen often, but I felt a twinge of it and had to calm myself.  I can handle this.

 

I am not ashamed to admit it.  I was spoiled as a kid.  No no no, not that kind of spoiled.  I didn’t get EVERYTHING I asked for.  Come on, seriously… even though I wanted the Nintendo and Sega systems, we had Coleco Vision.  Not quite the same thing.

 

No, I was spoiled by the attention that I got from my parents.  And I cannot imagine how hard it must have been, especially during the months of February through April each year.  I am not sure what maniac thought it was a good idea to put tax season right in the middle of little league baseball season, but every year the joy of baseball was mixed with the stress of tax season.

 

Not my stress per se, but the stress to my parents.  And yet, despite that, despite my dad doing 400 tax returns a season; despite my mom keeping the house and office together while dad did the returns; despite the fact that since my mom and dad worked out of the house there were people coming in and out at all times of day… mom and dad never missed a baseball game.  In fact, dad managed all of the teams, never missed a game and never missed a practice.  And my mom?  Never missed a game (although she did occasionally get there late, which in one occasion was good because she didn’t have to see me actually break my wrist, just take me to the hospital) and she always had time to take care of the home. 

 

So why did all of this come back to me in a wave of panic?  Because we just signed Brooklyn up for tee-ball.  And no, the panic I felt was not because she was placed on the Orioles and not the Dodgers.  It was a larger panic than that.  It was the panic that I might miss something.  That despite all of the stresses and responsibilities of tax season my parents never missed a game, but that I would succumb to my own responsibilities and stress and not be there for something monumental like her first home run or her first diving catch. 

 

So I had to take a breath.  I had to think.  I had to remember the one word that would alleviate my fears… “balance.”  It can be done, and I had two terrific role models to show the way, although I doubt I would have the discipline to work at 10 o’clock at night.

 

Should be fairly simple, right?  Hmm, no not really, but the first step in battle is to identify the objective and size up the obstacles.  Well, the objective is that elusive “balance” between work and play, between the sense of responsibility for my clients and my work as compared with the need to be with Brooklyn and celebrate her growing up and development into a world-class baseball player, to take her place amongst the Dodger greats such as Koufax, Snider, and Garvey.  So at least I know the key is balance.

 

My friends, yet another week of thoughts with no resolution, no answers.  But I do like to think that preparedness is the key.  If I identify today that balance is the key, then I can plan for tomorrow on how to accomplish it.  I can plan ahead, keep my calendar handy, and balance my life to accomplish both my goals:  a successful lawyer, counselor, and business-owner and the father who never missed a game and was always there to argue with the umpires…

 

Week one of a balanced life begins today.  It helps to keep that in perspective.

So You Want To Be A Trustee?

It’s time for some education.  And I do this out of the good of my heart because so many of you will find yourself in a situation where this advice could be important.

 

More and more people are using trusts as estate plan tools to ensure that their families and assets are taken care of after they pass away.  Whether it be taking care of children, providing for charities, or managing real estate, the people who create the trusts have specific wishes that they expect be followed.  And they expect the trustee to whom they entrust such responsibility to act according to their wishes.  But being a trustee can also be a thankless job, one which puts the trustee between the cross-hairs for litigation.

 

So why am I bringing this up to all of you?  It is my estimation that the vast majority of you will at some time be asked to act as a trustee.  You are trusted advisors and close confidantes and you will likely be asked to be a trustee.  But what does that entail?  Well, follow the terms of the trust.  Sounds simple, right?  It should be but it isn’t and the courts are filling to over-capacity with cases against trustees pertaining to their actions. 

 

So here are a few rules to take heed of, that might help make your trustee-ship an uneventful one.  This is not an exclusive list, but these are some highlights…

 

1) Read the trust.  Rob, are you kidding?  Well, you might be surprised.  Just because there are three children, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the trust’s assets were to be divided in thirds.  Not all trusts are the same, so merely reading one doesn’t mean you have read them all.  Better yet, read the trust with an attorney familiar with administering a trust.  

 

2) Keep track of your time.  This might sound odd, but being a trustee is a second job, and one for which you might be entitled to compensation.  Re-read the trust and make sure you are familiar with the compensation provision.  Some trusts are specific as to how much the trustee is to be paid, for example a percentage of the value of the assets.  But some trusts, especially those drafted more than a few years ago, may still contain a compensation clause that instructs the trustee to receive “reasonable” compensation.  What is reasonable?  Ask 10 people and you will get 10 answers and lots of fighting.  So the best suggestion is to keep track of your hours spent acting as trustee.  At least in the event there is a dispute as to the trustee’s compensation, you can demonstrate the actual time worked.

 

3) Provide annual accountings.  If need be, hire an accountant, but be sure to provide written accountings to the beneficiaries every year.  What is a “written accounting?”  We can talk about that later, but basically it should inform as to the income and expenses of the trust.  Why is this important?  First, it is required by statute.  Second, once the accounting is served on the beneficiaries, the statute of limitations begins to run on claims that can be made challenging the accounting.  If you don’t serve the accounting, the statute does not begin to run and the trustee can be on the hook for a lengthy period of time. 

 

4) Do an Inventory.  This one may sound strange, but when you become trustee, make sure that the assets of the trust are actually in the trust.  Funny, huh?  Well, you might be surprised, but it is not uncommon for people to set up trusts and not actually transfer assets into the trust, or “fund the trust.”  Especially with a lot of do-it-yourself websites and computer programs, people mistakenly believe that just having a trust is sufficient.  It certainly helps, but before the trustee can administer the trust, he or she needs to have assets to administer.  Otherwise the trust will not function appropriately.  So make sure that the assets that are supposed to be in the trust actually are.  If not, it is not the end of the world, but the trustee has to get to work immediately. 

 

5) Take emotion out of the equation.  Not only might you be asked to be trustee for clients, but also for brothers and sisters, taking care of your nieces, nephews, cousins, or other family members.  Don’t play favorites and always act fairly.  As trustee you wear a different hat from the one you wear at Passover or Christmas.  You wear a hat that not only carries with it a huge responsibility, but also a lot of exposure.  Your actions will be scrutinized and critiqued and challenged by those beneficiaries who feel they were treated unfairly and the challenged could subject you to personal liability.  Your best bet for smooth sailing is to be mindful of the different hats you have to wear, and wear your unbiased hat when dealing with trust matters.  When in doubt, ask your attorney.

 

This is only a small guideline.  Being a trustee is not a fun job, it is not always an appreciated job, but it certainly is a job with a lot of responsibility and one which you have been asked to do by someone who trusts you and has faith in you.  It is definitely a job you CAN do, but be mindful of your duties and ask for advice when in doubt.  Because, my friends, these are matters that are being litigated… trusts have assets, collection on a judgment is usually not an issue, and dysfunctional families do not get better when the parents pass away.

 

Rob  

 

P.S. ROB!  Why so serious?!?!  🙂  Hey, I have to show you I have some intellect, right?  Not just a pretty face and witty sense of humor.